The Swings, Hammocks and Mosquitoes

Alhamdulillah, we've had a great weekend (well, my children may not totally share my sentiments). Inspired by an email from a very dear friend, I persuaded my family to spend the weekend at a homestay at Kampong Johor Lama (by the mouth of Johor River) run by a retiree, Encik Mohd Bahari nicknamed Bob, hence Bob's Homestay).

It took a while to get there. Not because of the distance, but due to my poor navigational skills (and travelling without a map). Our faces lit up when we saw the sign pointing the direction to Kampong Johor Lama. My children were not too impressed with our bedroom and the basic amenities (or according to them, the lack of it). But somehow the idylic setting and the sight of kelongs, fishing boats and mangrove swamp mitigated the initial misgivings.

We watched the fishermen (and women) unloaded their catch at the foot of the jetty from their sampan in the mornings, ate at the warongs at Teluk Sengat for dinner, munched keropok lekor and sweet pisang goreng on the jetty at sunset.

We drove to Desaru Fruit Farm, and Tanjong Balau, visited the Ostrich Farm at Teluk Ramunia (we saw photos of FM and Mrs George Yeo, and Minister Dr Yaacob with an ostrich egg) -- and were given an interesting and insightful briefing on ostrichs, and their living habits.

On sunday morning, after subuh, I asked my wife to give a short tazkirah to me and our children -- the best reminder we've had for a long time.

I didn't manage to do what I partially came for -- BBQ and canoeing with Muslim and Mus'ab. We were too tired from my (bad) driving and the tide was low, until when we were just about to leave yesterday.

InshaAllah, we intend to return to this kampong, and offer a rejoinder to the pantun that stood at the jetty to bid farewell to the seafarers:

Asal tembaga menjadi dulang
Asal kayu menjadi peti
Andai jodoh masa mendatang
Moga kita berjumpa lagi

Muslim and I will be joining 20 NTU students for the POLARIS expedition at Kampong Som, Cambodia tomorrow, till Sunday. The students will be in Cambodia for 18 days to share their love and smiles with the children at M'Lop Tapang and later at a school in Phnom Penh. May POLARIS inspire them to develop a vast love for all human beings and for all creation, and thus live their whole life in the ebbs and flows of an all-embracing love.

May Allah weave the lace of our lives on the canvas of thought and action of the many heroes who have won His pleasures.

Mentors

They are extraordinary. Taking on several roles all at the same time - trusted advisor, teacher, counselor, friend and/or parent - they are there when you need them.

Kunich and Lester in their article "Leadership and the Art of Mentoring: Tool Kit for the Time Machine" cited several mentors and illustrated their mentoring process as if it were an acronym:

Model
Emphatize
Nurture
Teach
Organize
Respond
Inspire
Network
Goal-Set


One of the most remarkable mentors in history is Anne Sullivan, the teacher of Helen Keller. Immortalized in the play and film The Miracle Worker, Sullivan exemplified all facets of an ideal mentor as she worked with her young deaf and blind protégé.

The mentor nurtures the protégé as a farmer tends the wheat, providing seeds, nourishment, protection and the room to grow, each in its turn, in the proper amount, and in its own due time.

It is not a title we can arrogate to ourselves or bestowed upon us through a simple administrative act.

It is an honour that must be earned as we diligently strive to make a positive change in the life, attitudes and behaviour of our young protégés, and through them, in ourselves, no less.

APEX (especially @MWTI), MGN, TMSN, IM4U, YKI and many others out there -- know that the ride is uphill and bumpy, but it is most satisfying (and humbling) to witness our former protégés in turn become mentors.

And what could possibly be a better amal jariah than that?

With admiration, as always.

Economic Crisis: A New Social Regulation?

Jim Wallis in his blog God's Politics posted an interesting piece:

Every morning when I wake up in Davos, I turn on my television to CNN in my hotel room. And every morning, there is the same reporter interviewing a bundled-up CEO with the snowy “magic mountain” of Davos in the background. The question is always the same: “When will this crisis be over?” They actually have a “white board” where they make the CEO mark his answer: 2009…2010…2011…later.

But it’s the wrong question. Of course it’s a question we all want to know the answer to, but there is a much more important one. We should be asking, “How will this crisis change us?” How will it change the way we think, act, and decide things —how we live, and how we do business? Yes, this is a structural crisis, and one that clearly calls for new social regulation. But it is also a spiritual crisis, and one that calls for new self-regulation. We seem to have lost some things and forgotten some things — such as our values.

We have trusted in “the invisible hand” to make everything turn out all right, believing that it wasn’t necessary for us to bring virtue to bear on our decisions. But things haven’t turned out all right and the invisible hand has let go of some things, such as “the common good.” The common good hasn’t been very common in our economic decision-making for some time now. And things have spun out of control. Gandhi’s seven deadly social sins seem an accurate diagnosis for some of the causes of this crisis: “politics without principle, wealth without work, commerce without morality, pleasure without conscience, education without character, science without humanity, and worship without sacrifice.”

If we learn nothing from this crisis, all the pain and suffering it is causing will be in vain. But we can learn new habits of the heart, perhaps that suffering can even turn out to be redemptive. If we can regain a moral compass and find new metrics by which to evaluate our success, this crisis could become our opportunity to change.

(See: http://blog.sojo.net/2009/01/30/davos-how-will-this-crisis-change-us/)

I pondered what, and how may a new social regulation, moral compass and new metrics by which to live and evaluate our success, take shape and effect.

What came to mind was Professor Gatze Lettinga, who chose not to patent his invention so that his water treatment technology can be universally available.

That's Prof Lettinga.
But what about me?
I ask myself.

Ramadhan in Eternity

It is difficult to express how much I am already missing Ramadhan, even before the blessed month leaves us this evening. Some days ago into the second week of Ramadhan, I broke into tears when I first sighted the decorative lights at a house near Darul Ghufran on the way back from Tarawih prayer. It hit me like a thunderbolt - the thought that Ramadhan is almost coming to an end and Syawal is ushered, while I fear my sins are yet to be forgiven and my prayers answered.

Like a loved one who is leaving and will be dearly missed, I can only pray and hope that I will be meeting Ramadhan again, although death may precedes us.

How I wish I am able to live Ramadhan in eternity.

Indeed Ramadhan has brought with it much blessings - the recitation of the Quran, the night vigil and prayers, the charity and more significantly His presence in our thoughts and action. We are in constant and continuous state and act of worship, earnestly seeking His mercy and forgiveness.

But the Lord of Ramadhan is the Lord of everyday, all day, in this world and the Hereafter.

Let's continue to seek and worship Him even after Ramadhan.

Let's not regress into heedlessness and disobedience, and choose darkness over light.

May Allah strengthen our resolve to brighten the world with the light of Ramadhan, and make us the torch from which it radiates.

Taqqabalallahu minna wa minkum.

Best Friends Forever

It was difficult to explain the silence or disappearance, since the last entry some two weeks ago. Many thoughts, issues and ideas nested in my tired mind as neurons fired and competed with each in my overworked brain.

The entry on UMMA Community Clinic generated several interesting responses, including comments from friends who I thought had given up on me. I had prompted whether we should focus our energy, resources and attention to build an institution akin to, and taking inspiration from UMMA. From a "leadership training institute" to "it should be about championing a cause than an institution - a cause galvanises people, not an institution", the responses were passionate and assertive. I particularly favoured the call and claim that we share a common cause - to create leaders. Comments were also made and appended to the entry, which I am most thankful for.

There were many other happenings worthy of sharing.

A discussion on forgiveness after the reading of a hadith on the subject and The Forgiver (Al-Ghaffar) surfaced many instances when we felt hurt and angry, yet recognised the need to forgive. Easy said than done. To err is human and to forgive, divine. At work, we were reminded to "clear (or clean) the account" between colleagues so as to strengthen our relationship and soul. Put simply, we must settle any issues or disagreements before it gets worse, before bad blood rears its ugly head and be manipulated by Satan. Surah Al-Hujurat offers useful pointers and lessons to maintain a healthy interpersonal account.

To celebrate ND observance at Madrasah Aljunied, I wore a pink shirt (sorry: I don't have a red shirt, and didn't have time to get one at Mustafa Centre) for the first time in my life! For many years I wore my usual grey and black (for a formal and distinguished look) but it looked like I am dressed for a funeral when everyone else is dressed to party. And the pink shirt worked. I blended with the colours, songs and atmosphere, and even cheered the Madrasah student who read a poetry in Malay to salute our nation. Zainul, our Corp Comm maestro and one of many best friends at work, remarked that I have gone mad that morning, at the madrasah. It was a joyful event - thanks to Musliha's SRC team and Madrasah Aljunied.

The Famous Five met as agreed and we renewed friendship that spanned over decades. Interestingly our conversation meandered into the "No Permanent Friends, Only Permanent Interests" question. Against the backdrop of our effort to strengthen social cohesion and harmony, to develop good relationship with neighbours and friends - NPFOPI appears to be a paradox if not an irony. We agreed to continue our conversation and I was tearful when they decided to rename Famous Five to Usrah Pak Mat in the honour of my father.

Friends like family are the oxygen to our life. Like oxygen, we take them for granted and in so doing do not accord its rightful place and value.

What is life without friends and friendship?
Let's be BFF to someone else and many others.

In Need of Him

It suddenly felt as if I was losing control of time. My days went without any reflection and much rest. I went from one meeting to another, often back-to-back without any interval in between. From MClub to REA, to Aloha Loyang for Perkemas to Darul Arqam to Taman Warisan, my weekly class with Daniel and weddings among several others, I hardly had time to read the daily papers, let alone blog. The baking heat on Saturday afternoon and lack of rest had its effect on me. I nearly went "black-out" at Sultan Mosque, if not for the zuhur prayer and the attendant supplications that occupied my mind and heart, and kept me conscious.

It may not get any better, I feared. To break the cycle (or perhaps compound the problem) I added 3 books to my collection - The Southeast Asia Diversity Dilemma by Sree Kumar and Sharon Siddique, Presence by Peter Senge, et al, and The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. What have I achieved?, I asked myself. Well, I have delivered my commitment to facilitate a strategic retreat for Perkemas to develop their action plan. We also launched the REA website and through it opened invitation for applications and nominations for the award, after some months of gestation.

On the outset, I need not feel any guilt since I have earned and deserved my keep, without a doubt. To be busy is better than lazing around passing time. Only if the busy is worth being busy for. But how do we measure or assess it? Am I trapped in busyness but of no significance or impact for the greater good? Should I not consider doing one, or two, or even perhaps three things that I am good at, and with it comes greater and more meaningful contribution to society. Should I focus to do less for more? And hopefully I will have a little bit more time for my prayers and to feel His presence.

Amidst the list of things to do, which gets longer each day, I cannot help but wonder whether all this running around is doing good for my soul.

I need to keep trying to find myself in need of Him,
to connect the state of my heart and the nature of my act,
"as if one sees Him" to inspire my being and doing.

Only for the Love of Him

How do we love the Prophet (saw)?
Can we love someone who we have not met?
Do we love the Prophet the same way we love another person, say our parents or even our sweetheart?

These questions and many others occupied us last night. We read and shared our understanding of Surah Al-Maun and Al-Kauthar after maghrib prayer. The discussion was honest and lively. And while we recognized our limited knowledge it did not deprive anyone from sharing his/her understanding and thoughts. We were eager to learn and share and accept that there may be many readings, meanings and interpretations from a single phrase or an idea.

The “we” refers to NTUMS exco members and I. They invited me to share reflections on niyyah (intentions) since they will be completing their term soon. But we tangent off into discussing the verses of the two Surah, and spent some time on what it means to love our Prophet (saw).

“I found a book Senyuman dan Kenangan Manis bersama Rasulullah and it contains stories of Prophet’s life”, said a sister – and paused. She’d lost for words to describe her joy of knowing the Prophet through the stories. “Like he’s perfect. And I so want to marry him…” quipped a brother. “Ya”, the sister concurred, instantly.

How do we know we are loving the Prophet (saw)?
Is it by practicing his traditions and living the way he lived, thinking what he thought, doing what he did?

Can we love him by loving what he loved?
To plagiarize predicate logic: A=B, B=C and therefore A=C

Can we love him by replicating how others loved him?

Is this love that reciprocates?
Is this love personal?
That each has its own way of loving the Prophet (saw)?

I was thankful for the questions. Without questions there will be no answers, and a search for its meaning. I reminded myself to keep yearning for his love and to love him even if I have yet to discover what that means. Hopefully, I will discover and experience it, in whatever state appropriate - subliminal, metaphysical or in the depth of my dream.

It was not all questions and no deeds, or love unconcretised! – I was delightfully surprised when they presented me a cake, a card and a pencil box made of straw from Cambodia (I thought) for my birthday, at the end of the session just before I took my leave. It was very thoughtful of them and I truly appreciate the effort.

Not to mention, the love amongst them only for the love of Him.

Weekend Whoosh !

It was a super-hectic weekend, but a fulfilling one, I must say. It begun on Friday evening to prepare for my niece's nikah ceremony and reception, at my sister's house, to Lagun Sari where it happened on Saturday. From Lagun Sari we rushed home for a change before another drive to Yishun Safra for the reception hosted by the groom's family. By the time we bid goodbye to our host, my head was spinning and all it needed was a good crash on the bed. Over this morning's breakfast, I pondered and replayed the thoughts that went through my mind at the wedding reception. Interestingly, weddings (and funerals) brought family closer and drew distant relatives and long lost acquaintances for the ocassion. I met and re-established old family ties, including distant cousins whom during our younger days were not best of friends, always trying to get at each other, if you know what I mean. But I have forgiven all, and let bygones be bygones. Time will heal, and absence makes the heart grew fonder. How true!

In the midst of receiving and welcoming guests at Lagun Sari, I received a phone call from another almost long lost friend - a brother who some time back called me out of nowhere to learn about Islam. Since then, Daniel and I have been meeting every Sunday at Al-Ansar Mosque to go through Islam 101. Last year just before Ramadan, I accompanied him to Darul Arqam and together with Dr Siti Mariam, we witnessed his conversion to Islam. More recently I answered many of his queries on the Malay culture in preparation for his marriage to his childhood friend, a lady by the name of Ayu. They were both from the same village in Kedah, but work has brought Daniel to Singapore and Ayu to Kuala Lumpur. We have not met for some time since it was not easy to align our schedules: my overseas travel and his weekend trips to Kedah or KL, to attend Marriage Preparation Course, wedding arrangements, and family matters. We agreed to resume our weekly class (ps: he called me Cikgu).

Whilst sipping tea at Al-Ansar's cafe with Daniel, I saw another long lost friend, a former colleague who was walking on the road with his wife on their way to the market. We exchanged happenings in our life and I introduced him to Daniel. He invited us to his house as and when we are at the mosque, just like during the time we were working in the same office when he invited me (and other colleagues) to his house after Friday prayer for lunch prepared by his wife. He took early retirement to focus on his other interests - reading and writing, although he spent more time swimming and running now.

After lunch with Daniel, I went home to put my thoughts together for my next engagement - the talk on Rumahtangga Dakwah, an invitation I initially declined but later agreed to deliver, for reasons best left unknown. It continued on the bus and all I managed to put together were squiggles and phrases, which later somehow unfolded itself into phases of (marriage) life and some sense of coherence.

As I paced myself just before the talk, it became clear that the participants had all they needed to build Rumahtangga Dakwah. The previous speakers did an outstanding job to share their experiences and insights, and to match ideals with realities. The groupwork, with its attendant drawings on mahjong paper and presentations by representatives from respective groups, prior to my talk heightened their energy level but that made it more difficult for me, since mine would just be plain rambling.

I will not do justice to attempt a summary of my talk in this entry. But suffice to say, it came straight from my heart - and I hope it did some good to our younger brothers and sisters as they pursue their journey of life, as du'at with their spouse or spouse-to-be, including the singles who will one day enter into marriage.

Back at home, I felt the fear of not being able to live up to those ideals I espoused during the talk. All we can do is try, and ask Allah for His mercy and guidance. Not to try is not an option.

It felt like the week passed in a blink.
And certainly a weekend that went in a whoosh!

May Allah accept our deeds and our yearning for His forgiveness.

Happy Birthday, Dr B

My wife wished me a Happy Birthday just before I dozed off into dreamland. My handphone beeped sms just after midnight. There was a text message in my inbox. It was the first birthday wish from my niece. I received several birthday wishes through Facebook, e-mail and sms, throughout the day. Grateful and elated, I also felt humbled by these messages since it came from friends I most admired and some least expected.

From the simple yet profound Happy Birthday Doc! Be good do good, the longevity May you have another 49 wise years to the do’a wishing good health, panjang umur and murah rezki. I also received a bookmark from Musfirah when I arrived home in the evening. Against a soft green floral background, the phrase Smile is language of love, both in English and Hindi was printed on the bookmark. Muslim sms-ed his Happy Birthday Ayah, God Bless message from Tekong.

It was difficult to reciprocate their wishes and greetings, other than the usual from Thank you for your wishes. I am touched and moved by the gestures. To relate to an earlier assertion on birthdays, I had added the invitation Let’s renew our beginnings, to sign off my reply. It was also impossible to express gratitude to them through text. I was unable to transmit raw emotion through words over limited bandwidth, hence the channel interference.

The number of wishes and greetings overwhelmed me. I truly did not expect such traffic. In fact I preferred a quiet birthday even better if no one noticed it. But how can I remained private yet enjoy Facebook and blogging. I cannot have the cake and eat it (at the same time) so goes an expression introduced to me by my Econs teacher during my school days. Unless if I had opted for pseudo names and encrypted identities, a practice I do not subscribed (and encouraged).

My family and friends had so generously wished for all that is good on my birthday. May Allah reward them with the best of rewards.

I prayed for His mercy and guidance.
It remains for me to make it come true.

Read and Write

Once I wrote in my CV for the organiser of a talk which I was invited to deliver, that I dream of running a second-hand bookshop for my retirement so that I am able to continue reading the books that I have yet to read in my collection. Indeed the wall-to-wall bookself at home, is now pregnant with books, not only placed vertically but also horizontally concealing those that were already there.

Today I received another 10 books from Pascasarjana UIN Syarif Hidayatullah and its Centre for Study of Religion and Culture, when we visited senior academics and researchers at these institutes for further collaboration. These books were authored by their academics and researchers for use by their students and the reading public. Fortunately I meant it for our students and therefore I did not have to crack my head to find space on the shelf.

Before our meeting with the researchers of CSRC, I requested to visit Batu Bara - a small bookshop but lumayan (well stocked) according to Dr Fuad Jabali who accompanied us to this shop. Not obvious from the outside on the gang (narrow lane), without Dr Fuad I will never be able to locate it. I had wanted to spend more time going through the books in the shop if not for the meeting at CSRC. I left the bookshop without buying any book. I felt less-than-generous and the visit, incomplete.

Bookshop-crawling (to plagiarise the British's Pub-crawling) has always been my hobby and a must for all my trips and travels. And the consequence is obvious. I purchased (and collected) books more frequently and in larger numbers than for my wardrobe. So you can find me in Waterstones in the UK, Periplus in Jakarta, the AUC Bookshop in Cairo and certainly Borders and Kino in Singapore and KL. My latest find was Page One at Vivocity and what a wonderful view of the waterfront facing Sentosa. And the books had now taken up all available shelf space in the living room, the study and my bedroom.

As I glanced the books everyday the urge to write a book (some day) became stronger. Not for the ego, but to contribute to the existing body of knowledge in a domain that cuts across and transcends the compartmentalised faculties and subject matters. My colleagues had asked me often times when will I be writing my book. My reply for the interim was: I am still brewing it!

The young researchers at CSRC were insightful and generous with their findings. I was very impressed with their research outputs and going by the books they published, I am convinced that the educational process and intellectual drive at the tertiary institutions to produce thinkers and scholars were effective. In fact I had wanted to ask Pak Azra and his senior academics how they created the vibrant culture of intellectual development and scholarship to continuously sail in the sea of knowledge, to quote Oliver Wendel Holmes who said:

Greatness is not in where we stand,
but in what direction we are moving.
We must sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it -- but sail we must,
and not drift, nor lie at anchor.

I have always maintained that in order to write one must read.
Are we (only) reading parts rather than the whole,
Or are we reading the text but not understanding its meaning?
hence we are unable to systemise our thoughts, as Dr Fuad argued.

Will I ever be admitted into the circles of local Literatis?
I will, when I set my sail and not lie at anchor indefinitely.

Rahmatan Lil Alamin (RLA)

Wa ma arsalna ka illah rahmatan lil alamin. [Q 21:107]
And We have sent you not but as a mercy for all the universe.

I am not able to join my colleagues to donate blood to contribute to the RLA Blessings To All Day.

Not for the lack of blood or fear of the needle, but simply because I had once resided in the UK during the time of the Mad Cow Disease. I truly understand the safeguards put in place to prevent contamination at the blood bank and health risk to other patients due to bad blood (forgive the pun). But I am beginning to feel "stigmatised" due to the repeated publicity and expression of thanks to all who have signed up for the blood donation. Why do I feel this way? I asked. My conscience is clear - it is not that I do not want to give my blood. I should not feel guilty or awkward but I felt the urge to make my frustration known.

In reply to the staff notice which updated the number of pledgers and thanked them for the Rahmatan Lil Alamin Fund (RLAF) Blood Donation Drive I explained why my blood will not be accepted. I then asked the following question:

"Is there anything other than blood and cash that I can offer to be included in the RLAF gang - I feel marginalised if blood is the only commodity that carry the legal tender to be RLAF-ed.

Yours bloody but not wanted,
b"

I have now resigned to the fact that we (or I), blood donor "wannabes" are too small a number to justify attention and time to think of alternatives other than blood. Perhaps I should announce that I will donate my brain as substitute for blood to get the attention. But this is not about getting attention, isn't it? It is about offering choices and opportunities for all to participate and contribute.

Although demand for blood is greater than supply and a must for surgeries and critical medical conditions, Rahmatan Lil Alamin must not be reduced to blood donation.

I have thought long and hard what I would do to be blessings to all or to paraphrase, become a RLAF-ed person. I have decided to venture the following:

a) Tell others how important they have been to me - I will find one person a year and write them a letter and tell them how they had changed my life.

b) Give others a chance to do good - I will offer 50 envelopes, each with a $50 note. Anyone can have the envelope, no strings attached. All I ask is that the money be used for a good cause. I reckoned those who took the offer or picked the envelopes will ponder how best to spend the money and make a difference. I trust them to use the money wisely and pass on the trust they took from me.

c) Smile to whoever I meet at work, in the lift, on the street, even when someone stepped on my toe in the crowded MRT train.

Today, do something that will make someone's day.
And make animals, plants and the invisibles feel good (if you have access to them).

Stand up even if you are not counted!

Eggs and Chicks

An energizer, as the name suggests, is a simple activity to create and inject energy during workshops when the energy level among participants is low, or to serve as a break between sessions.

For an energizer at a workshop I attended some time ago, participants were asked to draw an animal that best represents them or simply put – if you are an animal what will it be? This question may be construed to be dehumanising, hence sensitive for some. Not wanting to be difficult (or even perceived as anti-social), I diligently pondered a while before putting pen to paper.

Eventually I drew a hen and subsequently was asked to share my drawing to everyone else and more importantly (or embarrassingly) why I chose the hen.

I explained to my fellow participants that it was a good friend who pointed out to me that I am akin to a hen that laid eggs wherever I went and whoever I met. Although he clarified what he thought those metaphorical eggs were, I hesitate to reveal it for fear of self-conceit.

But he was also quick to point out that while I am very active at laying eggs, I failed to hatch these eggs and nurture the chicks.

I received my copy of the latest issue of The Economist today and the words on the promotional cover wrap brought this metaphor - the hen and the unhatched eggs, back to me. The words were from The Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy and it read:

Wanted:
20 people to

help change

the World.

I was struck by the bold and confident tone of the message. And I quite like the idea of inviting some 20 people to help change the World.

Then suddenly I thought I could possibly do that (too!).

By the way, that was an advert for the 20 places at the LKYSPP's Master in Public Management programme targeted at senior policymakers in the public and private sector and civil society with a proven track record of leadership in their organisations.

But will be my value proposition? For the LKYSPP's MPM programme participants will work towards a degree and a lucrative career. What value or benefit can be expected from participating in this venture or going on this journey together?

Making a difference to our lives and the people around us, I thought.
It may not appear elegant in its wording or sounding. Some may even reject it as a distasteful cliché. But that should not deter us to be useful and contribute to improve the lives of others, no matter how small or insignificant it may be.

I have yet to work out what this programme will entail. Ideally it should be designed by participants collectively as a learning community. It may sound and appear loose and unstructured at this point in time, but I make no bones of the commitment and passion needed to grow and develop together. And without doubt, high standards of discipline.

This is an invitation for 20 young leaders to help change the World.
Only those who are able to put others before self should apply.

Needless to say, this is one nest of eggs I very much like to hatch and nurture the chicks.

Awakening

It is He who calls your souls back by night, knowing what you have done by day, then raises you up again in the daytime until your fixed term is fulfilled. It is to Him that you will return in the end, and He will tell you what you have done. [Q 6:60]

Sleep is an interesting phenomenon.

Some will doze off the moment their head hits the pillow while others will need to count sheep to fall asleep. I am one of those who suffer from both and usually cannot recall how and when I actually doze off into dreamland. Perhaps it is not for humans to know when our souls return to Him at night.

Beyond the physical, many strange things happen during our sleep. Depending on the state of mind, one may reveal secrets while asleep. I used to do maths while sleeping during my computing and software engineering days much to the concern and perhaps the inconvenience to my wife.

For a while now I am in search of answers on awakening rather than sleeping, per se.

How do we do our sleep (or “control” it) so that we are able to wake up at a predetermined time (and yes, I know we can rely on the alarm of the clocks – notice the plural)?

And certainly with His permission for we only continue to wake up until we meet death at the appointed time.

Why is it that when there is a place to go or a meeting to attend we are able to tune and time our body and mind to wake up early so that we will not be late or miss the taxi to the airport?

Why is it that when it’s the first day of school (and tomorrow is the beginning of the new school term) we are able to wake up in the early hours to get everything done, including breakfast, before waking the kids up for prayers and school?

Why is it that when we attend a sleepover programme in a mosque, we are able to wake up during the last hours of the night to do our Tahajjud prayers?

I am envious of those who are able to wake up for their tahajjud and spend time with their mathurat after Fajr prayers. I also admire those (Pak Azyumardi and Br Tariq Ramadan, included) who contemplate and write books in the early hours after their prayers.

Why is it that our waking-up is not much of an awakening but at best a struggle between being horizontal and vertical?

Is it a case of not consistently practicing and internalizing the do’a the Prophet taught us, before sleeping and upon waking-up as well the reminder of the three knots as in the Hadith reported in Bukhari and Muslim?

I crave a good night's sleep but I yearn to be the first to wake-up to call the morning azan. And every waking-up is a new awakening for the soul, mind and body.

There is still much to be desired before aspiring to be a warrior in the day and a monk in the night.

O Allah, I surrender myself to You and turn my face towards You, and entrust myself to You ….

….. zzzzz

Self-Discipline Foodstyle

There were times when I was able to walk into my favourite kebab place or ice-cream counter but decided to give it a miss at the point of placing the order. I had always thought that was somewhat an exercise in sacrifice, if not self-discipline.

Self-discipline was what I wanted to teach myself by deciding to go on diet on 26 May 08, through the posting on Qawiyyal Jism. I had also intended to report back two weeks later (on 9 June) whether I achieved my target of losing 10 kg off my weight. Since I could not find a weighing scale (this is absolutely true!) on Mon the 9th in London, I decided to weigh myself the moment I arrived home.

I started at 84 kg, and alhamdulillah weighed 77 kg today. I have lost 7 kg from the day I started this lifestyle (or rather, foodstyle) but short of 3 kg from the 10 kg target.

It was quite an experience. I vividly remembered the search for a "non-rice" stall during lunch on the first day. After a tiring search and walk, I resigned to a plate of steak at an eating place in Toa Payoh - disappointingly, it was not quite the quality I had in the past and yet, pricey too. Subsequently it was much easier - bowl of Yong Tau Foo full of vegetables (and I love the soup) at Fork and Spoon, Chicken Chop at Adam Road and Salad from KFC. Not forgetting, plain water for drinks.

There were moments when I thought how could I give up the Samiramis pastries (with apricot filling) that I brought back from Damascus and my favourite ice-cream (in the fridge).

Soon I began to cope with the "no rice, no bread, no sweets and low fat" diet, and enjoy the thought of figuring and choosing what to eat. Choice is a key word here - I choose what I want to eat based on what I believed it will do to my body and health.

It was made easier in Amsterdam and London because there were many Kebab restaurants, particularly around Edgware Road. And since I did not opt for breakfast by the hotels, it was very convenient to avoid the English breakfast and its traditional orange juice. Instead, I bought a packet of fresh tomatoes - and had it one per day for breakfast.

In addition to the diet, I did a lot of walking too. My wife and I did our walk in the evening after Isya' prayer in our neighbourhood. And I walked miles in Amsterdam and London - thanks to the beautiful end-spring and early-summer breeze and weather.

I feel much lighter and healthier and at times suprised at how easy it was to bend to pick up things from the floor.

But the challenge is not over - tomorrow I will be attending a wedding of the son of my cousin, and next Monday onwards, when I am having lunch with my "lunch kakis" at work.

They have already noticed my weight loss, and remarked how I looked "run-down" from my travels. I will have to be truthful to them soon - that it was not because of the travels, lest they think I am burdened by it.

I am no longer able to eat large portions, and may not make a significant contribution to the current food shortage.

Eating by choice is my very small effort to self-discipline.
It will be my lifestyle for quite a long while now, InshaAllah.

Qawiyyal Jism

A healthy body, that is what it means. Many will try to achieve it through physical exercises or games - badminton, soccer or swimming. I had contemplated golf, only because it is not physically demanding. In fact Deepak Chopra authored a book titled Golf For Enlightenment: The Seven Lessons for the Game of Life and the Unification Theological Seminary (UTS) has a course titled The Spirituality of Golf. According to UTS this course examines Golf as a "hobby life" activity and a strategy for kingdom-building. Golf can be a method of mind-body discipline, an avenue for encounter with the spirit world, and an environment for personal evangelism and network building. Students will play two rounds of golf and participate in oral and written reflection.

But after serious consideration I decided to give golf a miss and focus on my diet instead. Some weeks ago, I had considered turning vegetarian, partly to lose weight but more so to manage my temperament. But that did not materialise due to my own failings and it was difficult to play host at dinners. Tonight I am taking a bold and drastic step to go on strict diet for the next two weeks - starting tomorrow (Monday 26 May 08) I will not be having any rice, bread, potatoes, pasta or baked stuff, and no fruit as well. No sweets, cakes, biscuits or ice-cream for the next two weeks, either. My staple for the next two weeks will be vegetables (lots of them) or salad with olive oil in the dressing, meat or fish.

Staying away from rice or bread may pose a difficult challenge given our food culture and customs. Nasi Briyani, Chicken Rice, Nasi Lemak, Lontong, Soto Ayam are dishes that come with rice in one form or another. I personally cannot imagine buying chicken rice from my favourite stall but not having the rice as it is off-limits. And attending wedding function without eating the Briyani - I will need to develop an alternative strategy to ensure the host does not misunderstood me, or worst still, felt insulted by my dietary restrictions.

After the initial phase of two weeks and hopefully, the cravings for sugars and starches have gone too, I will add good carbohydrates to my diet. The idea is not to eliminate all carbohydrates, but only bad ones. Good carbohydrates are found in whole grain bread and high fibre wheat bran cereal. I hope to feel that this plan is less like a diet and more like a way of life - and I will be eating normal foods, in normal size portions (for eg, rice servings no bigger than the tennis ball).

In addition to the diet, I intend to work an exercise plan that does not require me to remake my life - something that I can incorporate easily into my routine. For a start, I will do a 20-minute brisk walk everyday, and hopefully will perspire enough to call it quits.

This is not just an exercise to lose weight and to be physically fit. It is a commitment to self-discipline, and to understand the practical nuts-and-bolts way to control blood chemistry and metabolism through food choices.

This evening, I weigh 84 kg. In two weeks time (9 June 08) I hope to lose 10 kg.

Goodbye bad carbos and bad fats !