In Need of Him

It suddenly felt as if I was losing control of time. My days went without any reflection and much rest. I went from one meeting to another, often back-to-back without any interval in between. From MClub to REA, to Aloha Loyang for Perkemas to Darul Arqam to Taman Warisan, my weekly class with Daniel and weddings among several others, I hardly had time to read the daily papers, let alone blog. The baking heat on Saturday afternoon and lack of rest had its effect on me. I nearly went "black-out" at Sultan Mosque, if not for the zuhur prayer and the attendant supplications that occupied my mind and heart, and kept me conscious.

It may not get any better, I feared. To break the cycle (or perhaps compound the problem) I added 3 books to my collection - The Southeast Asia Diversity Dilemma by Sree Kumar and Sharon Siddique, Presence by Peter Senge, et al, and The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. What have I achieved?, I asked myself. Well, I have delivered my commitment to facilitate a strategic retreat for Perkemas to develop their action plan. We also launched the REA website and through it opened invitation for applications and nominations for the award, after some months of gestation.

On the outset, I need not feel any guilt since I have earned and deserved my keep, without a doubt. To be busy is better than lazing around passing time. Only if the busy is worth being busy for. But how do we measure or assess it? Am I trapped in busyness but of no significance or impact for the greater good? Should I not consider doing one, or two, or even perhaps three things that I am good at, and with it comes greater and more meaningful contribution to society. Should I focus to do less for more? And hopefully I will have a little bit more time for my prayers and to feel His presence.

Amidst the list of things to do, which gets longer each day, I cannot help but wonder whether all this running around is doing good for my soul.

I need to keep trying to find myself in need of Him,
to connect the state of my heart and the nature of my act,
"as if one sees Him" to inspire my being and doing.